Friday, February 11, 2011

Dateline Sidewalk

Intrepid Reporter: In a shocking update on my old Mine Field O' Poo report, the geese are once again honking a defiant tone. They are making a mockery of everything we hold dear as they push to set a new record in the category of excrement depth on a busy pedestrian walkway. The humans are quickly falling behind the Canadian Geese in their maneuvering to stem the tide.

Studio Anchorman: Dude, I realize that I am perfectly coiffed but stuck in this dead-end job at a local affiliate, but what are you rambling on about?

Intrepid Reporter: In recent weeks, menacing flocks of Canadian Geese have been endeavoring to cover every square inch of the sidewalks with their flotsam.

Studio Anchorman: Maybe its the cloud of hairspray depriving me of much needed oxygen, but go on.

Intrepid Reporter: Local workers have been trying to break the logjam by erecting crude cut-outs of the one natural predator of the Canadian goose, the Yukon coyote.

Studio Anchorman: Man, this must be a slow news day.

Intrepid Reporter: The presence of the herd of coyotes standing proudly about the grounds should make a firm statement to these defiant fowl that their presence is not welcome.

Studio Anchorman: How come I see a lot more poo in the immediate vicinity of the coyote likenesses?

Intrepid Reporter: Well, it seems that the Canadian goose is nobody's fool. It seems they can clearly see that the coyotes are far from realistic. For one thing, they occupy only two dimensions. For another, they somehow seem to know that the Yukon coyote is not indigenous to this local habitat.

Studio Anchorman: How about the fact that they only have three legs?

Intrepid Reporter: Well, that also seems to be upsetting the geese. Seemingly they feel we are insulting their intelligence and having been stepping up production. This reporter will stand by for developments in this back-and-forth exchange to see what the human's next move will be. Back to you in the studio.

Studio Anchorman: Does anyone know how to spell resumé?