3 a.m. Eternal

Got to see that everywhere I turn will
Point to the fact that time is eternal ...

A detached, clinical voice on the unexpected phone call.

... Mr. Car ... yearly cysto ... appointment ...

I only heard about a third of what the caller said, but there was no mistaking the message and the implications. February 19 at 2:20 p.m. is my next date with mortality. I wonder if the administrators that make those calls out to the survivors truly understand what emotions they can inflict on others. When they hang up the phone, they check a name off a list. Those of us on the receiving end are abruptly awakened from our year-long reverie of survival. Suddenly we are thrown back into behavior patterns of worry, of consternation, of anxiety, of what if and when. In times like these there are too many nights where the red glow on the nightstand is all that we have to keep us company. 3 a.m. eternal.

What Makes You Think

There is a Mongolian BBQ place across the street from where I work. Over the past 5 years, this same establishment has gone out of business half a dozen times. Each time it has been re-opened as another Mongolian BBQ place. Don't the business folks pondering such opportunities and such locations consider the success of the venture in detail before they start signing documents and committing significant amounts of money? What makes them think that if everyone else has failed with the exact same idea that they will fare any differently?

Such is the case with so many things in life. You watch relationship after relationship end because the husband does not pay attention to his wife and elects to spend most of his free time with the guys. Yet you do the same thing and wonder why your marriage is crumbling. What makes you think that you can do the same thing that everyone else is doing and it will turn out better?

Everyone you know is struggling to pay their bills and is wracking up huge credit card debts that they will never be able to pay off. They are life-long serfs on the plantation of debt. Yet you keep pulling out that plastic card for every shiny thing that captures your attention. What makes you think that your financial situation will be any easier to deal with when you do the exact same thing as others?

You watch your friends make bad decisions when they go out partying three or four times per week. Their lives are a train wreck and they look like crap. Yet every time they head out the door and throw out an invite, you board that train without a thought. What makes you think that by making the same stupid choices as others do, things will go any differently for you?

I have thrown out three different examples here, but I'm sure that you can quickly come up with your own list. In areas in your life where you fail or fall into sin or don't measure up when you follow the same path as everyone else does, what makes you think things will turn out any differently for you?

What Do I Owe?

What do I owe to the support of society and those considered "less fortunate"?

I have a great deal of sympathy for the hardworking laborer who has broken his back for 20 years working at a steel mill that suddenly closes down in some back-water, podunk town. With very little notice he has no health insurance, no way to pay his bills, and minimal chance for landing another job at anywhere near his old pay rate. Folks like this, it seems to me, deserve some short term help. But what about:

• There was a recent news story about a policeman who bought a homeless guy a new pair of shoes. This was the feel-good story of the month, until it was revealed that the guy was a conman. He wasn't homeless, it was all an act.
  
• The folks on welfare who milk the system to extract every free penny they can from society's coffers, all the while refusing to look for work and taking in money on the side all under the table.
  
• The folks who milk minor injuries to keep the disability money coming in so that can sponge off the system. That job messed up my back, my knees, my neck. Oh I'm rendered a cripple. Yet they go about a normal life of activity.
  
• What about the many who never took their schooling seriously? Instead of making anything of this opportunity, they chose partying, goofing off, drugs, alcohol. Not a one-time choice, but a man years long, systematic pattern of laziness. Now they have no marketable skills and want public assistance.
  

Sure there are a lot of folks seeking public assistance, but not all are equally deserving of my sympathy. Not all are equally deserving of the significant support that is provided through our tax dollars. So, what do I owe?

Eona

The second part of author Alison Goodman's Dragoneye series is entitled Eona and picks up where the story of Eon left off. There we met a young lady who had secretly lived as a boy, rise to the position of kingdom Dragoneye. Each of the twelve Dragoneyes command their dragons that reside in the energy realm in the effort to maintain harmony between nature and the people. Apart from the supreme emperor himself, the Dragoneyes represent the most powerful group in the land. At the end of Eon the kingdom is in turmoil. The emperor is dead. His son and rightful heir to the throne, Prince Kygo, has been forced to flee for his life as Sethon, the emperor's brother, has swept in with force to claim the throne. The Dragoneye for the Rat Dragon, the evil and powerful Lord Ido, who had been in league with Sethon, has killed all of the other Dragoneyes except for Eon. Yet when he betrays Sethon he is tortured to within an inch of his life and hung in chains deep in the palace's prison. Without the Dragoneyes presence to protect the land, order in nature is completely lost.

In the story of Eona, Lord Eon must accept her true destiny as Lady Eona, the Dragoneye of the Mirror Dragon, the queen of the dragons. Yet accepting this destiny seems impossible. She is under the pull of the demands to use her powers to save the kingdom and restore balance to the land, the demands of her emperor, the enticing lure of the seemingly endless power promised by Lord Ido, the sense of loyalty to her friends, and the haunting call of her ancestors. Every powerful force in the earthly plane and the celestial plane seems to be tearing her in a different direction. Everyone seems to have their own agenda, their own allegiances, and their own betrayals. Adding to her desperation is the fact that Eona has no understanding of how to control her dragon, which forces her to rely on Lord Ido. A man whose words are always enigmas wrapped around lies and half truths. Yet despite all of this, Eona finally comes to understand the truth of the dragons and what her destiny is calling her to do. Impossible choices that mean death for some and life for others. Great story telling that pulled me in.

Observations 13

My occasional blog series "Observations" was created to be an outlet to share a variety of topics that pop into my field of view as a result of a condition that many bloggers are afflicted with known as "blogger's eyes". In this state we view the world on the constant look-out for topics on which to write about. Today's blog came about from random odds 'n ends of things that I have noticed over the past few weeks.

• My daughter and I had dinner at a friend's house recently and I was just overcome with emotion when my daughter did some bragging on me.
  
• I have noticed that when a room-full of people is trying to make an exit, folks like to stop in the middle of the doorway and strike up conversations, completely oblivious to the swarm of people behind them trying to leave.
  
• With a teenage daughter on my hands, we tend to watch a lot of kid's T.V. shows. Has anyone else in this situation seen the sheer number of toy commercials that involve poop? The ads show families getting to the giddiness bursting point waiting for the bug or dog or baby or robot to poop all over the floor so that they can then clean up the mess. Good times.
  
• "Science makes everything sound painful." Sandy Cheeks (world famous scientist/squirrel)
  
• Consistently negative people make everything around them darker.
  

Talon

When I was just a kid, there was a nature program on T.V. called Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom, hosted by Marlin Perkins. I seem to remember that it aired on Sunday's just after the football game would end and before the evening news would come on. The show focused on life in the wild, highlighting the beauty, savagery, grace, warmth, and cunning of animals all over the world. Elephants, gnus, alligators, foxes, otters, big cats, you name it. However, I remember with some clarity an episode where they featured birds of prey. I have film clips stored in my mind of these powerful birds streaking out of the sky and snatching up some poor unsuspecting rodent or jack rabbit in their sinewy talons. The next scene was always the feeding sequence as the bird, in total control, had its fill.

This powerful image bubbled up to the surface of my consciousness recently as I felt myself in the death grip of personal turmoil. I have always been one to collapse under the weight of relational conflict. Even a raised voice in my direction can stay with me for days. It can cause me to avoid certain people altogether for fear of upsetting the delicate balance of peace that I seem to cling to all too tentatively. A bigger problem is that the fear of conflict has caused me to avoid necessary interactions with folks that I care deeply about.

The talon of fear has left me impotent in a number of respects and my condition has seemingly gotten worse with age. There are even a few people in my life who systematically use this against me to take advantage of situations so that they can get their way. Oh I so long to break free and once again find my freedom.

Happy New Year 2013

A new year. Another chance to erase the slate and try again, even if that chance is a bit contrived, coinciding only with ripping a page off your calendar. Yet despite all of the things that I could grumble about and fret over, there is one constant that I have enjoyed on the first day of each new year for the past 15 years. Today marks the day my daughter was born and provided me with the greatest blessing that I have ever received.

I have seen so many self-help books for parents about how to "manage" their children or "survive" their children. I never had to give a thought to the odious ones, terrible twos, traumatic threes, fearsome fours, frigid fives, sickening sixes, sucky sevens, eerie eights, nonsensical nines, threatening tens, excessive elevens, tremulous twelves, thorny thirteens, or the frightful fourteens. Given this great run, I am sure that there will be no foul fifteens, and even if there were some bumps along the way, at least we would be on the ride together. Happy birthday angel face.

Oh, and happy new year to my faithful readers.