The Funny Pages

Each morning I navigate my way around the world in approximately 3.5 minutes via the news site cnn.com. So many dark and ugly headlines hit my eyes each day, so the occasional chuckle or guffaw is welcomed. In the past few weeks, several headlines really punched me in the ole' funny bone (medically called "the femur") and have been rattling around my brain ever since.

• A century old cookbook was discovered that espoused the health benefits of a goose-fat laden diet for the invalid and convalescents who are weak and dainty.
  
• Another boy band member has come out of the closet to announce that he is gay (and he also announced that he is saving a ton of money on his car insurance by switching to Geico).
  
• Due to the convergence of the Superbowl in the Dallas, TX area, "gentleman's" club owners are wailing and moaning about a shortage of strippers. Present estimates are that they require another 10,000 strippers to just scrape through the weekend. Strippers can make an estimated $1000 per day. In a related story, a well-known scientist applied for his stripper's license but was unanimously rejected citing the good of the public.
  
• A high ranking government official was caught having an affair. The official was quoted as saying that his positive test was due to drinking an over-the-counter energy drink.
  
• Crowds of folks were reacting to the news that Nelson Mandela, 92, was in the hospital with some severe medical problems. Many were bewailing in unison that he is too young to die.
  

The headline banner across the top of the CNN web page refers to "breaking news". Reminds me of an old HBO news show parody whose slogan was, "When news breaks, we fix it." See you all in the funny pages.