S-A-D

People with social anxiety disorder (S-A-D) can have excessive fear of social situations. Their anxiety can sometimes lead to intense panic attacks. As a result of the fear, the person endures certain social situations in extreme distress or may avoid them altogether. They are often known to suffer "anticipatory" anxiety - the fear of a situation before it even happens, even if it never happens. In many cases, the person is aware that their behavior is not fully rational, yet they are powerless to overcome their response. Adding to the associated issues are that outsiders witnessing such behavior develop strong negative impressions of the afflicted individual due to their lack of understanding. What can be confusing to outsiders is that people with S-A-D can appear completely at ease around others when they are immersed in professional or other controlled environments.

Let me share a recent story from my life with S-A-D. It begins with a co-worker of mine who hosts a well attended Memorial Day party at his house each year. Last year, I received an e-mail invitation with a request for an R.S.V.P. I dutifully replied with a "no thanks". However, my co-worker took every opportunity over the next week to pester me about going to his party. Finally, it got to the point that I couldn't endure his invite attacks any more and I told him about my issues why I do not attend these types of social functions.

Well this year, I again received the group invite to his Memorial Day party. I decided not to R.S.V.P. so that I would not call attention to myself to invite any of his remarks. However, last week before the start of a meeting that we both attended, he asked why I had not replied to his invite. When I looked at him, a light seemed to go on behind his eyes and he said, "Oh yeah, I remember, you get embarrassed in public."

You see this is the point. People who don't have to deal with this type of psychological issue just cannot understand or relate to those of us afflicted with such problems. Embarrassment? My troubles have nothing to do with embarrassment, I can assure you. "But you seem so normal at work." Work? Work is a highly controlled environment where I can dictate the parameters of the interactions that I am involved in. Oh, and just who are you to tell me what "normal" is?

Why am I telling this story? Well, perhaps it might just help to better inform folks and to help them understand some others a bit more.

Lincoln Lesson

A post on my friend Bill's blog (Cycleguy's Spin) told of the story of one of Abraham Lincoln's earliest political enemies. Edwin Stanton called Lincoln a "low cunning clown" and the "original gorilla". However, President Lincoln decided to choose Stanton as his Secretary of War. Just a few years later, when Stanton stood over the coffin containing the president's body he said, "There lies the greatest ruler of men the world has ever seen." I recently had a similar turnaround, that I have referred to as my own "Lincoln Lesson".

Several years ago, the lab where I work decided to bring in a team from another lab that had developed a very sophisticated piece of equipment. This equipment was well known in my field as having a great deal of promise that never quite materialized. The promise was so great that it became an unquenchable vacuum sucking in resources and manpower. So, when the group came to my lab and was made a part of my group, their arrival caused me concern. To top it off, to have sufficient time to modify and upgrade the equipment, the entire group was excused from the service work the rest of the group was assigned. As was expected, shortly after the group's arrival, the giant vacuum was engaged and great amounts of money and personnel were reassigned to make this equipment work. This really soured my opinion of this enterprise and the man who was the group leader.

The piece of equipment was ultimately installed early last winter and it certainly lived up to its reputation. Its performance promise was sky high, yet it just never got to the point where it delivered on this promise. However, I watched from my sideline position as every member of this team worked hundred-hour weeks and dealt with all of the incidents along the way. I came to know the group leader as a very smart and patient man. He endured all of the issues with the equipment, but also, as the public face of the group, endured the enormous pressure from the management and government folks who had backed this whole venture. He handled it all with grace and dignity and skill. He impressed me, melted away my animosity, and earned my respect. The other day as I was sitting in my office with these thoughts in my head, it seemed better to give them voice, to go over and talk with him, and that is just what I did.

Cookie Jar

In early 1992 a network news show sent two undercover reporters to Food Lion to work in their meat department. They had received multiple tips that the chain was systematically engaging in unsanitary meat-handling procedures. What they found was a management-mandated scheme to minimize losses by selling out-of-date meat to consumers. This included mixing expired ground beef in with fresh ground beef, bleaching rotten meat to remove its odor and then reselling it, and re-dating expired meat and putting it out for sale.

What ensued when this story was aired on ABC's Primetime Live was a lawsuit by Food Lion that stretched out over nearly 10 years. The lawsuit alleged fraud and misrepresentation by ABC as its reporters lied on their job applications so that they would be hired. There never was any doubt as to the truth of the news story. After an extensive search of the news archives you will not find one statement by Food Lion as to their sickening, underhanded, money-grubbing, disgusting breach of faith with their customer base. No statements of "we will look into this to be sure these sorts of practices are stopped" or "we screwed up and will work to make things right". Their corporate response and mantra when busted was to cry foul and to play a game of distraction and blustering and litigation.

So, the question is, how do you react when you are caught red-handed? Flat out busted. Do you own up to your mistake, take your punishment, and work to make things right with those you harmed? What about when you don't like how you were caught? How many times have you heard someone say when they are busted "I can't believe that you were spying on me!" That is a response designed to shift the blame and escape judgment. What about when you don't like the manner in which you were caught or the person who catches you? Should that make any difference?

I'm reminded of the kid who was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. When his parent's walked in on him right in the middle of the act, he quickly put his hands over his face. He figured if he couldn't see his parents, then they probably couldn't see him.

Memorial Day 2012

No long-winded opinion piece today. Just a reminder that all graves dug for soldiers were once covered with fresh dirt and fresh tears. Real people dead. Real people left behind. It seems appropriate to carve out some time today for reflection and prayer.

Illusion

Once I finished my first Frank Peretti book a few years ago, I was impressed enough that I have since worked my way through his catalog. I have appreciated the fact that he doesn't tend to walk down the same path twice. Even though his stories have focused on very different situations and places, his strength has always been in the vivid development of his lead characters. This is not just a nod to helping us into their minds, but in allowing us to appreciate their history and what they are all about. Such is the case with Peretti's most recent novel, Illusion.

The story centers around magicians Dane and Mandy Collins, who have toured as professionals for 40 years. They have just finished up a long running show in Las Vegas and are leaving town toward their planned retirement in Idaho when their car is hit. Mandy dies of her severe injuries and burns, leaving Dane shattered. Well, that is the way it initially seems. It is then that we are taken to a scene from Mandy's past. She is 20 years old and at a county fair in Idaho with some friends. She sits down to eat her lunch when the world fades out and fades back in. Suddenly it is 40 years later and this young lady is totally lost and certain that she is locked in a dream or has lost her mind. Her past is so vivid, yet the present that she finds herself in is unmistakeably solid. Yet while Mandy is the same person in some respects, in so many others, she is a totally new creation.

The story then unfolds of how Dane and Mandy meet again and how their love and connection bridges the gap of life and death, countless miles, and the depths of time. True love is not some chance encounter but a measure of destiny. Through some creative scientific liberty, Peretti develops a story about shifting time lines and the agents who will stop at nothing to control the means of this source of power. But through it all is the bond and trust of two hearts. It is a tribute to love and a story of finding ourselves in a sinful world. Even though the ending was a bit muddled, I still found this to be a fun and interesting read.

On the Other Hand 1

One of my greatest personal struggles is that I tend to view the world through a negative lens. I am exploring avenues that might help me to reprogram my mind toward viewing the world from a more positive vantage point.

Topic: Church leaders who rely on "image" consultants to form their opinions and their action plans.

First thought: To me this just smacks of pandering to the masses regardless of where it leads. People need to be given clear direction from the word of God, not be spoon-fed feel-good drivel just to keep them coming back to the church so that the money needed to fund the salaries and the bills (including the enormous mortgage) can be collected. Image consultants promote a phony approach that necessarily relies on style over substance. It feels to me like a crutch for the insecure and Godless. Not to mention that these snake charmers don't come cheaply.

On the other hand: Just like there are good lawyers in addition to the ambulance chasers, and honest, hard-working politicians in addition to the sex-crazed, corrupt, power-hungry rats, there are honest and Godly image consultants out there as well. If an experienced servant of God can pass on wisdom to make a church atmosphere more welcoming, more inviting, and more alive, why shouldn't we at least consider this type of service? Sometimes an outsider who has seen what works and what does not, can make suggestions that really do tear down walls and remove roadblocks for people to get to know God, especially when a church finds that something in their approach just is not working. Furthermore, church leaders who prayerfully and humbly elicit suggestions and advice for improving their work should be commended, not beaten down for trying to make their church one that brings people in and helps them get to know God.

So, I think that I have provided a few things that bear serious consideration. Hopefully now that I have planted some positive seeds, I won't immediately jump to a negative conclusion when I hear of churches that rely on such image consultants. What do you think?

On the Other Hand

One of my greatest personal struggles is that I tend to view the world through a negative lens. I instinctively move to tear people and institutions down based on my first impressions or my personal tastes, before I even allow the slightest opportunity for objective analysis. I recognize this as a serious problem, and thus I am exploring avenues that might help me to reprogram my mind toward viewing the world from a more positive vantage point.

To this end, there are at least three things that bear mentioning for me to keep in mind as I approach each situation:

• Even if something doesn't fit my fancy, doesn't mean that it is not a wonderful resource or opportunity or blessing for others. In many cases, the needs and opinions of the many, far outweigh the needs and opinions of the few (or the one).
  
• Something that at first glance seems suspicious or worrisome might actually be the best possible alternative among the available options. In some sense, the lesser of the evils that could lead to the great good.
  
• My instincts might just be wrong about someone or something, and I might come to a different opinion after some reasoned consideration.
  

So, with this rubric put out there, I would like to start a new blog series entitled "On the Other Hand" where I will try to look at two sides of an issue or institution that my first instinct would be to put down or dismiss. The format will be straightforward. I will introduce a topic and say a few words about my initial negative impression. Then I will think about the same topic in a different light, trying to approach it more positively. Let's begin down this road tomorrow with a topic that has soured me for a while, church leaders who rely on image consultants to form their opinions and their action plans.