Teach Your Children Well

My pastor tweeted some wise words the other day, "Just reviewed our school's family life education. Parents, talk to your kids before their teachers do. It's your job!"

Why do parent's avoid talking to their children about important aspects of life? Topics having to do with sexuality, relationships, inappropriate behavior, and drugs. No, I'm not alluding to those tear-filled diatribes after a bell has been wrung that can't be unwrung, nor those in-the-moment nagging reprimands. I'm referring to those deliberate and tender parent-child talks that outline firm boundaries, teach them and remind them of the values that you want them to embrace, and clarify misconceptions before they become set in granite. Sure these talks can be awkward, can make us feel vulnerable, and can completely take us out of our comfort zone. However, these moments are an important component of parenting, and while they are no guarantee that your children will make it through adolescence unscathed, I think they give them a better chance to recognize trouble and avoid it based on knowledge and truth.

In my house, having the "talk" with my daughter is not and was not meant to be a one time event. In fact, I have made it an annual occurrence linked to the start of the school year. In our last day together before she goes back to classes each year, I talk with her about a number of issues that I think she should be aware of and understand. Whether I am giving her new information or reminding her of things we have discussed before, I purposefully and intentionally set aside this time. Certainly my words and intentions aren't always understood and do not always penetrate as deeply as I would like, but she knows that I am trying my best to help her and to love her. Also, each time I talk to her, it makes it easier for me to enter into this type of discussion and makes it more likely that I will be heard in the future.

Pebbles in the Stream

I have a small collection of stones and shells that sit on my bedside table. Little mementos from here and there. A red rock from the Rio Grande, a piece of coral from Hawaii, a smooth green stone given to me by my daughter because I like the color green, a fossilized clam shell from a walking path at work, and some stones and fragments gathered from walks with my daughter. Each represents a marker that tells of a special moment in my life. If you listen, each has a small tale to tell of a stop along my way.

These keepsakes mostly sit and collect dust, going ignored and unnoticed from day to day. However, every once in a while as I reach over them to turn on the lamp, a memory catches my eye and pulls me in. It is then that I will pick up one of the pieces and rub it between my fingers and linger for a moment or two. Just let the memories cascade through my mind and take me back.

Boneman's Daughters

I just finished reading the suspense thriller Boneman's Daughters by author Ted Dekker. This is the story of a U.S. military intelligence officer, Ryan Evans, who has abandoned his wife Celine and daughter Bethany to fulfill his duty to serve his country in Iraq. One day he is sent out into the field and is captured by a local operative whose goal is to get Ryan to denounce his country's occupation of Iraq for a propaganda film. The technique chosen to mentally break Ryan is macabre. Local children are brought into his presence and slowly tortured. After several children are killed in this manner, Ryan manages to overpower his captor and escape back to his unit. However, his brain is scrambled by what he has experienced. During his imprisonment he comes to the realization that he loves his wife and daughter beyond measure and must be reunited with them.

The military sends Ryan back to his home in Texas to recover. There we are introduced to the satanic Alvin Finch, aka "Boneman". A serial killer who has murdered seven young women by breaking their bones one by one. Ryan is accused of being the Boneman by the local DA who happens to be sleeping with Ryan's wife and who has helped to turn Ryan's daughter against him. In the end, Ryan and his daughter tearfully reconcile after a dramatic rescue and after they torch Boneman to cinders.

I have now read more than a dozen Dekker novels. Although I enjoyed reading this work, it was definitely on a considerably lower plane than all of the others. None of the characters was well developed. Ryan's wife Celine was a nasty witch with no redeeming qualities. His 16 year old daughter Bethany developed a mighty quick and implausible case of Stockholm Syndrome for the mass murderer. The DA and lead FBI agent were underwhelming stock characters. This read like a melodramatic first draft novel from a rookie author, not the crisp, fresh, and compelling work of a seasoned master.

Blind Man

As He went along, He saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked Him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" John 9:1-2

This story from the New Testament of the Bible has always kind of poked at me. Jesus and His disciples were walking along the road when they happened upon a blind man. Instead of taking action of any kind with the poor and helpless outcast, such as comforting him or praying with him, Jesus's disciples engage in misguided, rhetorical theological debate. Some have even suggested that their dialog and exchange occurred within earshot of the man. This story has always rubbed at me, not because I am shaking my head at the disciples from my ivory pedestal, but because I would have been right there, taking part in the discussion. How can I say that?

The other day I was running an errand on my way home from work. I was just leaving the store and pulled up to the traffic light in the middle lane. There on the side of the road was a panhandler, a man shaking a tin for scratch from passersby. He wore a crude cardboard sign around his neck saying that he had lost everything, "Please help". Normally my instinct is to avoid even acknowledging these people, to stare straight at the road ahead of me. But this time, this time, I looked over and we made brief eye contact. He acknowledged me with a slight nod of his head. As I looked into his eyes, I saw a man, likely in his mid-30s, with a kind face and a mantle of dignity. There was an unmistakeable pain written across his face, but his jaw was set and he was doing what he needed to do to survive.

As the light turned green, I thought to myself what could possibly have happened to bring a man to the point of begging on the street. I wondered if he had brought this upon himself or if he just had some bad luck. As I sat analyzing and creating a story for him in my head, the passage about the blind man in John 9:1-2 came back to me and it became very personal in its meaning. I had taken the trajedy of this man's personal crisis and turned it into an academic exercise to pass the time on my drive home. But as I pulled into my driveway, I could still see his eyes and felt powerless. I that moment, I did what the disciples did not do for the blind man, I prayed. But I prayed for both of us.

Heavy Lifting

I think that Peter Griffin is one of the wisest men that I know. Whenever I face the tough questions in life, I turn to him to dispense his witty brand of sage advice. Advice forged in the fires of life. Take Peter's counsel regarding lifting heavy loads:

"The key is to put it all in your groin and your back, take your legs totally out of the equation. Lift with your lower back in a jerking, twisting motion."
I can still picture Peter's reaction in the scene when he tries to lift that car. Just watching him writhe on the ground in a jerking, twisting motion ... Anyway, I would bet that I have made you smile with this. You might even be saying to yourself, "Even a corn nugget knows to lift with your legs and to protect your back." In fact just the other day at work I took part in a safety lecture about proper lifting techniques. The most important rule, what experts might term, rule #1, is to get someone else to do the lifting.

So, anyhow, the very same evening as I had attended the safety lecture about lifting, I had to work out in the yard to remove a tree stump. After a good 30 minutes of concerted effort, I decided to put my glass of juice down and actually go outside and get started on the job. I then worked to completely tear up my lawn and finally had removed as many of the roots as I could see. I then was faced with a 100 lb stump blob to rip from the ground. So, I bent over at the waist and heaved and/or yanked with everything that I had. I then found myself writhing on the ground with a messed up back after following Peter's advice to the letter. This was definitely a case of life imitating art.

Insights on John

I have been working my way through Charles Swindoll's multi-volume exegesis of New Testament Insights. So far I have tackled three different studies, i). Romans, ii). 1&2 Timothy and Titus, and iii). James and 1&2 Peter. My plan upon completion of those works was to dive into Swindoll's study of the book of Revelations. However, after some consideration, I felt it more appropriate to work my way through the study, Insights on John. It somehow felt more appropriate to first read about the beginning times (Jesus's life on earth, His public ministry, His sacrificial death for our sins and salvation, His humanity, and His promise of the Holy Spirit) before reading about the end times (rapture of souls, judgment, Jesus's second coming, and the new heaven and earth).

The book of John, together with Matthew, Mark, and Luke, are referred to as the gospels. Each provides a narrative of the life, death, and resurrection of the life of Jesus. John's gospel was believed to have been written in the period from 90 to 100 B.C. either by the apostle John or a community of students associated with him. This book does indeed have some links to stories and incidents contained in Matthew, Mark, and/or Luke, but also has a number of teachings and miracles that appear only in this account. It seems that one of the important aspects of the book of John is that it was written nearly 60 years after the crucifixion of Jesus. This allowed the author some time and perspective with which to view history. It also allowed the author to approach his subject without the raw emotion associated with writings linked closely to the events it describes.

Swindoll approaches the book with respect and integrity, along with his usual teaching style and perspective. This is a book to be savored and taken in short sections. Not something to be burned through in a few evenings. Now, I will move onto Swindoll's Insights on Revelation study. I very much look forward to studying this book of the Bible with a most trusted Sherpa.

Valleys (Obtuse)

A long December and there's reason to believe; Maybe this year will be better than the last ...
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving -
Oh the days go by so fast.

I posted yesterday on the topic of life's low points in Valleys (Acute). Today I want to probe this a bit further from a slightly different point of view, a slightly different angle.

There is an old saying, you cannot know of a man's burdens until you walk a mile in his shoes. While all of us would likely tip our head in acknowledgement of this truth, I'm quite sure that the lion's share of us have not taken this statement fully to heart. I know with nary a doubt that I certainly have not. But just for a moment, think back to the last time that you passed through a deep valley in your life, where you were shouldering hurt and pain well beyond your capacity. You balanced on the thin line between rage and insanity, where but a gentle breeze rippled by a butterfly's wings in the wrong direction could have pushed you over the edge. In such a circumstance, how did you behave when in the presence of others? Were you your normal plucky self? Did you make conversation and flash your winning smile? Were you fully within your normal bounds? ... Of course not! You were likely unbearable to be around. Surly, rude, introverted, emotional, angry at everyone and everything. But likely you never announced to those in your world what you were going through.

In such moments when somebody treats your poorly, without regard to your feelings, do you ever consider that they are dealing with something onerous? That they have been pushed beyond their abilities, churning on the inside with thoughts and possibilities that they never could have imagined? Or do you, like I typically do, quickly label them a jerk and think wholly negative thoughts? Perhaps we should not be so quick to fire that gun chambered with insults and hatred. Perhaps we could try to respond in kindness or at least to hold our tongues. For you never know a man's burdens ... don't cause that breeze that sends someone over their edge.