Repeal Bible Laws?

There are many laws on the federal and state books that we supposedly must obey, whether we agree with them or not. Disregarding any of them can certainly put your freedom in peril or perhaps merely the amount of cabbage in your wallet. However, given that we live in a democratic society, there are several avenues that we can follow to go about getting certain laws repealed or changed. This type of story is daily fodder for every news outlet.

Today's question is one that I started to ponder recently, and the answer to the question is still in a nascent form in my mind. The question is:

Are there any rules, thou shalts, or thou shalt nots in the Bible that you philosophically disagree with?

Perhaps there are things that you feel were added to the list of sins in God's word primarily through the cultural (i.e. human) viewpoint of the writer that you doubt are truly from God.

The spark for this question came about from an article that I was reading on CNN regarding the gaining world-wide acceptance of gay rights. The fact that more and more of humanity is adopting a new attitude and new opinion on this topic, shows how cultural biases, opinions, and views of bigotry and intolerance can change from age to age. Things that we viewed as strictly verboten centuries ago are now fully accepted without a second thought (like women's rights). The issue of gay rights is just one example. Perhaps you feel that there is language in the Bible concerning the rules of marriage and/or divorce that strikes you as outdated, overstated, impractical, or misguided. Maybe there are other areas.

Of course, we are "stuck" with the Bible and its requirements for the rest of time. There is no going back and rewriting it or protesting or devising alternative interpretations of the text. So, what say you? Anyone have any opinions or thoughts that they would be willing to share (publicly or privately) with me?

Public Speaking

Part of my job entails giving public presentations of my work. Conferences, workshops, seminars, colloquia, group meetings. Over the years I have learned to get over my fears of public speaking and to actually enjoy these opportunities to discuss and share my work with others. However, public speaking is generally recognized as the number one fear of a good fraction of the population. Being comfortable up in front of an audience, I have found, is a process that takes some time to master. It takes lots of practice. Of course, some folks take to being up in front of a crowd and being the center of attention quite naturally. It becomes the place where they shine, where they are in their comfort zone. Others, alas, even after many years of practice, still fall apart when in this type of situation.

Over the years, I have witnessed some very obvious examples of what not to do in public presentations. Some examples are from single, specific individuals, and others are just nervous traits that emerge in general. I thought I would share a few that came to my mind:

• During an interview talk, the candidate was given a clear plastic pointer stick. He was so shaky and nervous that he set up oscillations in the stick. The amusing shadows projected on the viewing screen caused the audience to giggle throughout the entire presentation.
  
• Many times I have seen an audience develop vertigo from a laser pointer in the hands of a nervous speaker. The beam of light just bounces in an uncontrolled manner all over the room.
  
• A young speaker in a conference was interrupted by a fire alarm during her talk. After exiting the building and reassembling in the meeting room, the session chairman told her to continue from where she left off. She responded through heavy tears, "I only know it from the beginning."
  
• A friend of mine uncontrollably displays his nervous energy in front of a crowd by grabbing his crotch violently. He is unaware of this behavior to this day.
  
• Lots of nervous folks incessantly clear their throats. I have seen some do this uncontrollably every 15 to 20 seconds for an hour straight. Talking to them in normal situations, they never even once clear their throats.
  
• I have seen several speakers who will snork up snot from the depths of their bowels in front of an audience. With the microphones amplifying every ounce of phlegmy goodness being pulled out from their bodies with the subsequent swallowing. Yeah, gross beyond words.
  
• Some folks burn off nervous energy by wildly pacing back and forth across the room or the stage. I get tired just watching them.
  
• Back in the days before Powerpoint and electronic presentations, we used to make our slides on transparencies or sheets of plastic. For an hour-long presentation, this would require probably about 40 or 50 slides. During the start of an interview talk, a nervous candidate was fumbling so wildly that he knocked his stack of transparencies on the floor. Picture flinging a deck of cards up in the air. There was no way to recover from this one.
  
• More folks than I can remember develop the flop sweats in public venues. Buckets of perspiration just pour off their bodies and at the end of their talk, their clothes are drenched.
  
• I witnessed a frail woman, who could not have weighed more than 60 or 70 lbs, try to give a talk at a conference that I went to. When the session chairman put the microphone around her neck, the weight of the device pulled her head down so that she was staring at the floor. This forced her mouth right onto the microphone. I had to spend the next 30 minutes listening to a cross between the Peanuts teacher and Darth Vader, listening to her gasp and wheeze with each breath. Quite painful.
  

Hopefully, I will not do something in my nervousness to make my own list. Time will tell. The secret is always to prepare fully, to give one or two practice talks to yourself out loud, and always, remember to breathe.

Grind My Gears 17

Walking up and down the aisles at my local supermarket has lately been causing my blood pressure to spike. It has further led me to mutter uncontrollably to myself and use the word consarnit so much my ears begin to bleed. I have found with my keen sense of recognition that product after product that line the shelves use terms like "bistro" or "artisan" on their labels to try to make their pre-packaged slop seem trendy and hip and culturally relevant. Let me share just a few truths about these terms:

1). A bistro is a place that has a limited, overpriced menu of frou-frou foods. The people are snobby and care excessively about how you dress. Usually they require you to have some sort of European-sounding accent and a neatly trimmed mustache (women too). I wouldn't eat at a bistro if you threatened to kick me in the buttocks.

2). An artisan is a person who lives in some 60's beatnik-style commune. They tend to wear long, flowing gowns and are prone to wear head bands and Birkenstock-type sandals. They reek of jasmine and incense, and more often than not, they are covered in dried clay. You can bet that they smoke cannibus cigarettes regularly and thus are not to be trusted with anything, especially food preparation.

Any manufacturers that use the terms bistro and/or artisan in their product lines really grind my gears. You can be sure that I have to close my eyes to choke down their fancy pizzas, soft cheeses, elegant jams, and gourmet praline lady fingers.

Tape Balls and Other Lessons

Over the years, I have been known by many names. Fuddy duddy, stuffed shirt, kill joy, stick in the mud, ..., grown up. Time after time I find myself high strung and uptight. The anxiety that I feel associated with a potential juice spill on the carpet or a mud stain on a pant leg or a small amount of waste, usually drives me over the top. Too often it has led me to try to control every action of my young daughter. Ultimately, I found myself sucking away her unbridled enthusiasm and elation.

Over the years, thankfully, she has slowly but surely taught me to let go. To learn to embrace the moment and have fun. Go with the flow and let life and moments happen. This includes:

• My daughter has always loved to play with Scotch tape. To hear her squeals as she "ties" me up is magical. For years, when I heard that sound of tape coming off the roll, all I could think of was the waste. A few $1 rolls of tape given just to her have caused me to smile whenever I see the discarded tape balls that she leaves behind.
  
• My daughter loves to splash outside in the rain. The only thing that can make it better for her is to have me watch her frolic around. You know that you can quickly dry clothes in today's modern appliances? The next hurdle for me to cross is to go outside and join her in her dance.
  
• My daughter loves when I let her turn the hose on and play with it in the pool. She makes water fountains and sprays herself and me. A few gallons sprayed on the deck for the smiles that she gives me are well worth it.
  
• My daughter loves to run through the grass barefoot. Why I always frowned incessantly over this I don't know. I reasoned that I didn't want her to step on something that would hurt her. Now I have learned to let her romp.
  
• My daughter loves to eat pudding from a bowl without using a spoon. I have learned that she can quickly clean herself up with a napkin. Her giggles are far less stressful on me than my elevated heart rate.
  

See, even though I am getting older, I still can learn a few things. Now if you will excuse me, I need to get a coaster under that juice glass, I don't want it to leave a water mark.

Traveling Man

Ricky Nelson used to sing that he was a travelin' man, who made a lot of stops all over the world. I can relate. I too have traveled all over the world, albeit, reluctantly, and with more than a bit of dread. You see, I have never really cared for being out on the road, away from home.

First, air travel is horribly uncomfortable for me as a semi-tall person with bad knees. I also think that whoever the heck it was who invented the upside-down comma shaped seats that force us into the most uncomfortable position possible, is most likely related to Dr. Mengele. I'm quite sure that he danced with passion and glee as he made the seat cushion/floatation device of a material so hard that sea otters could use it to crack open clams. Then, usually, after a long, body- and mind-draining flight, when you don't have an ounce of energy or cognitive ability remaining, you are then forced to figure out the local taxi/subway system to get to your bed-bug-infested hotel room. I am not sure if you have noticed this when you travel, but many foreign countries have this annoying habit of not putting up clear signs in English. What a world. What a world.

However, if I were to be forced at gun point to admit something positive about traveling to far away places, it would be that I have seen some amazing sights and eaten some awesome food. But, seeing that there is no gun pointed at my head, I shall not utter such niceties, lest travel start to think it is something special or even remotely enjoyable.

Anyway, today I find myself on the road again (which sounds vaguely country song-ish somehow). Not a particularly distant or exotic locale mind you, but travel nontheless. I am heading down to Columbia, South Carolina as part of my job. I already know from my itinerary that this will be one very long, very exhausting, very busy day. But hey, what's not to look forward to? Cramped and tiny puddle-jumping planes, invasive butt monitoring at today's state-of-the-art airports, long lines, surly people, long meetings with people wearing suits. I could go on, but it is already too depressing as it is.

Matinee

My friend robshep sees lots and lots of movies. He has a passion for checking out the latest releases. He then shares his opinions on his blog. My guess is that he also then spends time discussing his favorites and not-so-favorites with his friends and co-workers. All of this makes him more culturally relevant.

However, for me, I too go to the movies, but I am, ... well ..., culturally relevant to an entirely different crowd. I have not gone to see a grown-up movie in many years. I save my movie nights to go see what might be termed more kid-friendly or family-friendly movies with my daughter. Looking over the ticket stubs that we have collected, it seems the last 10 movies that I have seen are:

• Fly Me to the Moon
  
• Madagascar: Escape to Africa
  
• Up
  
• Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
  
• Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
  
• Planet 51
  
• Alice in Wonderland
  
• How to Train Your Dragon
  
• Shrek Forever After
  
• Toy Story 3
  

Now I could tell you that I am merely going along to chaperone my daughter, that I find these movies sappy and silly, that I prefer much more high-brow entertainment. I could, but that would not be true. I love going to see these movies. I love the positive messages and the child-like imagination that it stirs within me. I assure you that I am not missing out on a thing. If the truth be told, my daughter is probably the one who must chaperone me at the movies.

Esther

Today I finished Volume 2 in Charles Swindoll's Great Lives series, Esther, A Woman of Strength and Dignity. Although this is a rather short Bible book in the Old Testament, a mere 7 full pages and 7 chapters, Swindoll has written a book 200 pages in length to outline and tell the story of this Jewish woman who lived some 2,400 years ago. Nevertheless, even today, there are a lot of lessons, Godly lessons, to take away from this story.

Esther has historically been a somewhat controversial, perhaps misunderstood, book of the Bible. There have been many heated debates about whether this book should even have been included in the canon as it is the one book of the Bible that never mentions or even alludes to God. However, the remarkable and intriguing story surrounding this woman just serves to show that even when God is invisible, He remains invincible.

The basis of the story is the new queen of the Persian empire Esther, who has replaced the old queen Vashti in the huge and powerful kingdom of Ahasuerus. The newly named prime minister is Haman, who has a long-standing hatred of the Jewish people. Spurred on by this hatred, his new position of power, and perceived insults by Esther's guardian Mordecai, he tricks the king to endorse a plan to exterminate all of the Jewish people that were in the kingdom. However, Haman did not know that queen Esther was a Jew, and he did not know of her relationship to Mordecai. Ultimately, Mordecai and Esther devise a wise plan that saves the Jewish people, does in the evil Haman on the very gallows that he had erected to kill Mordecai, and strengthens the position and liberty of the Jewish captives of the empire. The entire experience gave rise to the Feast of Purim, a holiday that is still celebrated by the Jewish people to this day.

As I noted above, Swindoll has written a 200-page book covering a Bible book that spans only 7 pages. Clearly he does not just limit himself to describing the Biblical text. He takes the opportunity to relate how the story of Esther and her heroism tells a tale of selflessness, courage, and Godly behavior that is relevant at any point in any culture. My favorite part of the story is when Mordecai is trying to convince Esther to step up and go and talk to the king. He tells her "who can say but that God has brought you into the palace for just such a time as this?" (Esther 2:14). God wants to use us for his plans and he will strategically place us to give us this opportunity.

Now, on to the next book in Charles Swindoll's Great Lives series, Joseph, A Man of Integrity and Forgiveness.