Failed I's II

For many reasons we tend to rely on ourselves. If you take a tour of the bookstore you will see hundreds of "self-help" books lining the shelves. Reliance on our own efforts to improve and empower our minds can be quite admirable to be sure. However, I have found that reliance on self in many situations can lead to exhaustion. We toil and struggle and devote great amounts of time and energy and money, only to find ourselves even worse off than when we started. This leads to frustration and, ultimately, to surrender. I have lived this type of life for a long time. However, Jesus made it clear that we are not to live life isolated and alone. He spent his public life surrounded by his trusted twelve disciples. He sent his disciples out into the world two by two to spread the gospel. Traveling through life with others, relying on others, can lead to a strengthening of spirit that is impossible through reliance on self alone.

I have just finished reading Samson and the Pirate Monks by Nate Larkin and it was one of my favorite books of 2009. It is a story of life lived in failure and surrender alone to be rewritten in victory by walking in brotherhood. It is a story filled with honesty and openness and brokenness and failure. A story then rewritten by connecting with others, that leads to renewal, growth, and victory. Those who have read other books on Christian brotherhood, whose message quickly desolved into the aether after the cover was closed, should appreciate this story of sinner saints and the impact they can have on us castaways and hermits.

(Part 2 of 2)

Failed I's I

I have been struggling with some addictive behaviors for a whole now and it seems that, most of the time, they get the better of me. They win. I lose. My pattern of action follows an all too predictable cyclic behavior. I fight and struggle. I give into the addiction. I feel like garbage afterwards. My self-esteem takes a big hit. I resolve to try again. It feels a bit too much like the plot from the movie Groundhog Day. I keep living the same pattern over and over again. I feel trapped in a confining box. It seems like no matter how hard I try to escape, I am fated to lose.

I have always felt that I could conquer almost any problem in my life that was under my "control". I figured that once I recognized what was going on, I could easily deduce the negative effects it was having in my life, and then devise an effective strategy to drive it away. For example, last year after a particularly dark season in my life I realized that I was becoming an alcoholic. It didn't take me long to understand the issues and the consequences of this behavior, and then to work to slay this dragon. I simply used my intellect to gain control of my behavior and my attitude. Very simple, very easy. Ready to move on to the next battle.

However, my recent addictions have proven a much more formidable foe. I easily recognized the problem and the potential consequences. I devised what I thought was a plan of attack that would bring this area of my life under my control. However, I failed miserably. In fact, I fail nearly every day in this regard. I need a different approach. In my life, the I's most certainly don't have it.

(Part 1 of 2)

T.V. 1966

I was reading on cnn.com that the lady who played Wilbur's wife (Connie Hines) on Mr. Ed died. (For you young punks out there, Mr. Ed was a talking horse.) I remember at one point in my life, I went through a Mr. Ed phase, where I watched afternoon reruns for a while. That led me to ask what shows were most popular on T.V. the year that I was born (1966, oh, and if your counting, that makes me only 29). Now, with the Al-Gore-invented high-speed superhighway, the answer to my question was only a few key strokes away! Nee-ha, now on with the list:

1. Bonanza - Channel surfed over this one, but have never seen a full episode of it.
   
2. The Red Skelton Show - I have never seen this show but have heard of it.
   
3. The Andy Griffith Show - Certainly have seen most episodes on afternoon reruns and Nick at Nite.
   
4. The Lucy Show - Saw many episodes on late night T.V..
   
5. The Jackie Gleason Show - Have only seen clips of this show on late night infomercials.
   
6. Green Acres - Pretty sure I have seen all of these episodes. This was an after school regular when I was in high school.
   
7. Daktari - I have never even heard of this one.
   
8. Bewitched - I know this one up and down, from one Darren to the other. I think that I used to have a crush on Elizabeth Montgomery.
   
9. The Beverly Hillbillies - Like Green Acres, an after school regular. I have seen them all, black and white and in-color.
   
10. Gomer Pyle U.S.M.C. - This guy was the Urkel of his day. I have seen a number of episodes due to T.V. addiction, but can't stand this awkward character or the actor who portrayed him.
    

Hail Athlete!

Here's a headline that gave me a good guffaw, perhaps you read this too, and it also caused you to raise an eyebrow. Jimmie Johnson was just named the Associated Press male athlete of the year for 2009. Really? ... Really? For those of you who might not recognize the name, Jimmie drives the #48 Lowe's-Chicken Hut-Cow Flop-STP Chevrolet stock car in the NASCAR driving circuit. My friends, as I see things, sitting in a car driving in circles for several hours qualifies nobody, and I mean nobody, as an athlete. Now I can hear the full force outcry of the NASCAR redneck army out there, screaming in unison: "It takes a lot of stamina and training and skill to drive for 500 miles and go nowhere." I do not dispute that for a moment.

Let's take this a step further. I have even heard of folks who partake in those ridiculous and gluttonous and wasteful eating competitions refer to themselves as athletes. Just because you can choke down 20 frankfurters in 68 seconds before you begin projectile barfing, means only that you are an idiot. How far will people take things? Under these liberal applications of the notion of "athlete", we should just throw this term at the pasty white geeks who play their video game systems for hours on end without stopping even to pee, or at folks who sit at their desks all day in a boring job without falling asleep (that too takes training), or at the poor saps who sit in their living rooms actually watching those NASCAR events or food eating contents (that too takes a heck of a lot of effort).

So, let me make this perfectly clear (I'm now channeling Richard Milhous Nixon), unless you are involved in a recognized sport (baseball, football, track and field, basketball, and I'm even willing to include competitive badminton), you are not an athlete. If your recreation time involved exclusively making left-hand turns in a car, or sitting above a hole in a frozen pond drinking beer, or belching the alphabet with your buddies, whether or not there are people paying to see your efforts, you do not fit into any sensible definition of a jock.

Best Books of 2009

Another year has come to a close, and with it, I have read another slew of books. By my count, it seems that the definition of a slew for 2009 is 23. This does not count books that I have read as part of my work or the dozens of books that I have read with my daughter. A good fraction of the books that I read were based on recommendations from my friends. To be sure, none of you has let me down (yet). So, without further ado, here is my top ten list of books for 2009 in no particular order.

• Samson and the Pirate Monks, Nate Larkin (recommended by Bill Sprouse).
  
• The Shadow of the Wind, Carlos Ruiz Zafon (a gift from Elke Aschenauer).
  
• Under the Overpass, Michael Yankowski (recommended by Brian Miller).
  
• Perelandra, C.S. Lewis (recommended by Robby Turner).
  
• That Hideous Strength, C.S. Lewis (recommended by Robby Turner).
  
• Devotional Classics, Richard Foster & James Smith (recommended by Bill Sprouse).
  
• A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis.
  
• Piercing the Darkness, Frank Peretti (recommended by Robby Turner).
  
• Prophet, Frank Peretti (recommended by Robby Turner).
  
• The Principle of the Path, Andy Stanley.
  

I am already starting to plan out my reading list for the first part of 2010. So, if you have any suggestions, pass them along. I keep my list of reads up to date on my Shelfari page. I would also give a shout out to a series of books called The 39 Clues that I have been reading with my daughter. We both have enjoyed them immensely.

Merry Christmas 2009

Merry Christmas to all. Hope you have a blessed year ahead. Peace, love, and joy.

Christmas Rap '09

When I was a kid, my own world was the only one that really mattered to me. When it came to Christmas, it was all about me and what presents I would get. I was basically kidnapped and forced, entirely against my will, to spend my hard earned money on my two brothers. Of course, I hated that part of deal. But, after a careful and well-thought out cost-benefit analysis, I figured that my net take was pretty decent. Not bad for an average kid dealing with a fat old man in a sooty red suit.

As I got older and started to come into who I was, the Christmas season meant less and less to me. I remember loving being on campus at college during the holiday break as the place was basically deserted and I felt a certain peace. Again my motives were entirely selfish. I could finally catch up on some work that I wanted to do, I would have the computer systems all to myself, I would not have to deal with anyone.

Today, I find myself in a different place entirely. I get very few gifts any more, and it really doesn't bother me. Not one bit. This Christmas time of year never really was about me. My focus at this time of year is to celebrate the birth of Christ and to recognize what he endured for me.

This season of the year is also time to celebrate being with my most wonderful daughter. In her I find love and acceptance, in her I see my real reason for being here on this Earth, in her I can celebrate life.

As I was wrapping my daughter's Christmas presents the other day, I was given pause to stand back from the neatly wrapped boxes and fancy bows. I envisioned her reactions to each new goody that she would unwrap. I could hear her laughter and see her smiles. I could feel her hugs and gratefulness. This is all that really matters. You see, Christmas was never really about me.