Stubborn as a Mule

One of my friends from Community Group (who I will call "Kevin") told me about a simple technique that he uses to better appreciate life and God's blessings. At the end of each day, sit down and try to come up with a listing of 3 things that you can count as blessings for the day. It doesn't matter whether this is done mentally, in a public blog, or in one's personal journal (what used to be called a diary in the old days). Kevin said that it is important to "write down some good things that happen each day as a reminder that even on seemingly bad days, life is good." I tried to do this for a while, but my efforts ebbed away. I tend to get bound up by the negatives, by the everyday, by the usual fatigue associated with too much input and not enough output. Even when I recognize the good that this brief contemplation brings, the recognition of God in my life and the world around me, I still cannot make myself carry out this simple exercise, this beneficial discipline. Sometimes I want to do something, but another part of me is as stubborn as a mule and will just not make a move, even when this can lead to self improvement. I still am amazed at how some things that I do in my life happen naturally, with no chicanery or effort, while others are just such a struggle, such a weight. I know that others battle with this type of thing as well. So for now, just a gentle reminder to revisit and to reconsider those disciplines that were set aside.

Confliction

I hate personal conflicts. I don't handle them well. They affect me deeply and it typically takes me a significant amount of time to come back to equilibrium. Conflicts fills me with a level of anxiety, torment, uneasiness, and panic like nothing else. I lose focus and am overcome with total malaise. I have known people that can get into a real rip-snortin' argument and moments after it is over they are fully back to being themselves, at least it seems so. For me, the conflict enshrouds me. It covers me in darkness, even when I have done nothing wrong or did nothing to deserve the heated exchange. When these situations emerge, I do not know how to act. I don't like fighting with folks, I don't like having to explain myself or justify my words or communicate when tensions become elevated. The lack of communication on my part is normally not received well by the other person. Part of me is trying to shut down all systems to just let the time of conflict pass (the turtle in the shell approach). Part of me also is trying to hole up in my mind to form an argument with which to avert elevation of the conflict. I suspect that dealing with people in this type of situation is not a skill that I have or ever will (which is why I try to avoid conflict in the first place).

Wacky Mascots

How does an athletic organization or school go about selecting their team
mascot? Sometimes they organize a drawing or a contest, sometimes they choose the name based on some local industry, sometimes it is chosen based on what a particular region is known for. There are names that just seem so fitting and dignified, like the Boston Celtics, the Miami Hurricanes, or the Durham Bulls. Others, it seems, clearly were not well thought out. The following are team names from actual teams, that as Dave Barry would say, I am not making up.

• Minnesota Golden Gophers
  
• Baltimore Skipjacks
  
• Chinook Sugar Beeters
  
• Moorehead Spuds
  
• New Berlin Pretzels
  
• Hooperton Area Cornjerkers
  
• Tonopah Fighting Muckers
  
• Blooming Prairie Awesome Blossoms
  
• Teutopolis Wooden Shoes
  
• Hickman Kewpies

Wow. I can smell the urine in the air from opposing teams soiling themselves in fear of the Hickman Kewpies. I have heard of an online contest to rename the team from Whoville as the Whoville Colberts. When will the madness end?

Tear Down, Build Up

This is a topic, a personality flaw, that has been written about time and again. It doesn't matter whether you are from the Carl Jung or Sigmund Freud school of thought. It doesn't matter whether you know your id from your ego. Everyone agrees on the root cause of the problem. The issue is our ability to tear others down to build ourselves up. The root cause is insecurity in who we are and how we live. We move, subconsciously at times, down this path and it does not matter if we are with a group of people we know or all by ourselves. "I can't believe that she wore that dress", "He's the laziest person in our department", "Look at that piece of crap that she drives around in". How many of us can recognize ourselves in lines like these? Come on now, I should not be the only one with my hand up. This flaw is akin to the gossip, who distorts and repeats things heard in confidence. The gossip monger has as their goal to build themselves up by making others look bad and demonstrating their superior knowledge of the lives of others. A relevant word from scripture for those of us who suffer from this affliction comes from Proverbs 21:23, "Those who guard their mouths and tongues keep themselves from calamity."

Pants Down Monkey Boy

The other day I was doing a little helping out at the offices of Waters Edge Church. Seated near me were two other volunteers working on their particular project. They happened to be women who were taking the opportunity to do a little man bashing amongst themselves to pass the time while they toiled. At one point I made a remark to let them know that I was indeed a man and I was sitting not more than 3 feet away. It seemed to me that if you are going to insult all men everywhere, you should at least take some simple precautions, such as ensuring that there are no men sitting 3 feet away from you who can clearly hear all that you are saying! Anyway, these two "hens" were going on and on about how men are so clueless, that they don't notice the most obvious things, how insensitive and simian they are in all that they say and all that they do. Well, needless to say, I was aghast. I was incredulous. I was, was, ..., well, convicted. They were right. Let me tell you a little shameful episode from my past.

I was an undergraduate in college at the time. One day I was hustling from one class to the next. I had ten minutes to get across campus and once I got where I had to be, I still had to go to the bathroom. I had to use the facilities quite urgently. As I rushed into the lecture hall building, I made my way to the men's room (which seemed to be completely empty), slung my backpack in the corner, and sprinted to the row of urinals. Just as I was unzipping, I noticed a cleaning lady coming out of one of the stalls. It never occurred to me to stop or alter my attitude or what I was doing in any way. In fact, I flushed, washed my hands, and gave her a quick "how ya doin'" as I grabbed my backpack and hustled off to class. Hold on here! Hit the rewind button. In case you missed what I just said, there was a cleaning LADY in the bathroom with me. The awkwardness of the situation for the poor lady never occurred to me at the time. I was simian and clueless. This episode has folks everywhere cringing for all the rules and sensibilities that I broke. I admit it, I deserve to go on an all-banana diet and straight to the monkey hall of fame.

Awkward, Awkward

Have you ever had to work closely with someone that you did not want to be near? Perhaps you had a falling out with the person. Perhaps you just didn't care for the other person from the standpoint of their morals, their appearance, their attitude, etc. Perhaps one of you had strong feelings of attraction to the other that weren't reciprocated. Each and every one of these circumstances can be palpably awkward. There can be overcompensation by one or both sides. In fact, the situation might not even be fully recognized by both people. One might be completely comfortable, and the other might be climbing the walls.

I recently was at a conference with someone that I am attracted to, but she does not feel the same way about me. It seemed that no matter where I was in the massive conference venue, that I kept stumbling across this person. Due to circumstances, we even had dinner together one evening. On the one hand I find it best to totally avoid this other person as it keeps my mind at peace and focussed on what it should be focussed on. On the other hand, the appearance of this person at the conference was totally unexpected to me. My mind kept grinding on and on. Was this a sign? An opportunity? Should I pursue this person further? Should my attitude be totally business like? Am I coming across as smart? Funny? Unaffected? Affected? I know that no matter what I tried to do, I just could not be myself. What tricks do you have that work in these situations?

Pessimism

I am a negative person. A pessimist. The glass is half empty. I am always looking for the bad or the unexpected to ruin my day. I sometimes wonder where this developed in my attitude. I don't first process a given situation and then consciously decide to tear it down. My sour attitude happens immediately, as if it is somehow part of my DNA. One might think that this is really a learned behavior that bloody well can be unlearned. Try as I might, I can't seem to unring this bell. I once saw an episode of the classic cartoon Ren and Stimpy. The happy-go-lucky and simple-minded cat Stimpy was trying to help out the gruff and churlish chihuahua Ren. He helped him to set up an experiment to separate his good side from his bad side. However, it turned out he had no good side. What turned out instead in the personality separation was an evil Ren and a hideously evil Ren. I kind of feel like maybe, there is no positive person inside me, just a negative person and a hideously negative person. Some days really bring this out of me. I was recently at a conference in Denver and on the day of my return to Virginia, I was staring at a 10-hour journey of sitting on a shuttle, waiting in airports, flying in metal tubes that would be tight for sardines, and then the final drive home. How could I make something worthwhile come out of this? Try as I might, I just couldn't see the positive.